Emerald Coast Theatre Consultant

Definition:   Addiction

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/addiction

Before I start my rant about addiction in the theatre, let me tell you that I want to talk about my own addictions and how I have handled them so far.   Since addiction is all about fooling yourself and those around you, it only seems fair to do that.

I have had three addictions in my life: The first will remain nameless, but suffice it to say that aging has dimmed its control of me.   It could rear its ugly head again, but I am not going to address that here.

As a Bellevue Hospital Nursing student, I became addicted to cigarettes.   Not chain smoking, but just a few a day since our classes and work schedule precluded sitting and smoking for any length of time.      After graduation I went immediately into anesthesia school and there was still not a lot of time to smoke, but the habit was still there, just waiting for the time to take over.   And when I started college, that was the opportunity nicotine needed to step up to the plate and start controlling my time and my self-esteem.    Soon after graduation from college, I moved west to attend the Pasadena Playhouse.    And from there Fresno, California, about 200 or so miles north and inland about 150 or so miles where I lived, worked, and loved for the next forty two years.   Smoking the entire time, like a chimney, fooling myself, coughing, hacking, and smelling like an ashtray.

Now it was my habit to have my last cigarette in bed.   I would put the cigarettes on the nightstand ready for that first drag in the morning.    One night, I followed the routine and when I woke up in the morning and sat up just ready to light up, I looked for the cigarette pack and it was not where I put it.   I got up, looked around, got down on my knees and looked under the bed.   Still no cigarettes.   I got up, sat back down on the bed and, surprise, surprise, there they were, sitting right in front of me on the night side stand.

It was at that moment that somewhere inside me a little voice said:  “This is your last warning!”   

I made the decision instantly to quit.   I threw the cigarettes, matches, ashtrays and cartons of cigarettes away and I have not had a cigarette since then.    As a matter of fact, the smell of a cigarette or any tobacco product will make me violently ill.   I start to gag, my breathing becomes short, and I feel as if I am going to pass out.    Best thing I ever did for myself.    I don’t know if there were supernatural powers at work, but, whatever they were, they worked.   And I am blessed.

My third addiction is to food.    Now it wasn’t until I stopped working and started eating that I really started to gain weight.    Stop work and start eating!    Wow, now that is mantle for anyone to handle.   And eat I did.   Like a horse.    If I got tired, I ate.   If it had tons of energy, I ate so I would be able to keep up the energy.    Anything, like an addict, to fool myself into eating more and more.    

And pretty soon I was retired, living in a new part of the country, depressed and severely paranoid because of Cymbalta and Aspartame, and about ready to run the last mile.     I weighed about 320 pounds at that time, from about 180 that I weighed for years.  

Then I read an article on addiction and decided that I need to take control of my life and my future.   I realized that I could not let my future into the hands of pharmaceuticals and their side effects.

So, first thing I did was to get ride of the Aspartame and Cymbalta.   It was not exactly the best way to get off Cymbalta by just tossing them down the toilet.   The withdrawal side effects are unbelievable, so unbelievable that I am not going to go through that again.   Just trust me that it was a very difficult time for me.    But in six weeks or so, those two drugs had jumped the blood brain barrier and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.   What a great feeling it was to finally take my life back.   

Once I felt myself on terra firma, I started searching for someone to do the surgery.   With the internet the way it is, it was easy to search, but difficult to make a decision on where to go.   But I finally did decide on the man to do the surgery and I had it done on February 20th, 2008.

My life has so changed since that time.   I am now 180 pounds again, not on insulin, on a very low dose of blood pressure pills, am now pain free in the joints and hips and back.   I am still having balance problems since I carried all that poundage, almost 140 pounds extra, for so many years.   

And I would do it again in a heartbeat!    It is the best gift I could ever have given my self.    One of the real benefits, however, even tho I am retired, I now feel I have a future doing something and accomplishing something.   I did not have that when I was addicted, but I sure do now.   

As a side note, if you have a weight problem and are interested in having the surgery, let me know and I will be happy to discuss it with you and answer any questions you might have.   

Part 2 of Addiction In The Theatre will be next and I will discuss the affects of addictions that I have seen in the theatre and have worked through.   It should be very interesting.